Sammy the Unicorn
by teddybear17
Summary: Dean and Cas insist on Sam joining them on their quest to locate Candy Mountain. crack.


"Heeey, Sammy. Hey, Sammy, wake up!" Dean said in a high-pitched voice as he leaned close to Sam's ear.

"Yeah, Sammy, you silly sleepy head, wake up!" Added Cas in a similar high-pitched voice, as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Dean.

At hearing the uncharacteristically squeaky voices of his brother and the usually stoic angel, Sam cracked open one eye to be met with the sight of two matching pairs of sugar-crazed eyes right next to his face. Closing his eye and groaning inwardly about remembering to keep his slightly ADHD brother away from the sugar, he prayed he would not be the one who had to deal with whatever craziness was about to ensue. "Ugh, oh god, what have you two gotten up to now?" He peeked at Dean and Cas again taking in the too wide smiles adorning their faces. "Please tell me you haven't set Bobby's house on fire."

"No, Sammy," Dean giggled a bit, flapping a dismissive hand at him, as though the suggestion was completely ridiculous. "We found a map to Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain Sammy!" He brandished a piece of paper under Sam's nose with what looked like scribbles in pink and blue crayon.

"Yeah, Sammy, we're going to Candy Mountain! Come with us Sammy!" chimed in Cas, staring at him intently.

"Yeah, Sammy, it'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure, Sammy!" Dean wheedled with expansive gestures.

"Yeah, Candy Mountain, right. I think you two have had enough candy for today, so I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now," Sam grumbled as he buried his face back into his pillow, deciding he was far to tired to deal with a hyperactive brother and angel.

"Noooooo! Sammy! You have to come with us to Candy Mountain!" Dean exclaimed dramatically as he sat on his brother and began to bounce up and down.

"Yeah, Sammy, Candy Mountain! It's a land of sweets and joy, and joyness," Cas said, looking as though if Sam didn't get up he would join Dean in bouncing on him.

"Please stop bouncing on me," Sam groaned. Looked like they weren't going to leave him alone. And he'd been having such a nice nap too.

"Candy Mountain, Sammy!" Dean insisted, still bouncing on him.

"Yeah, Candy Mountain!"

"Alright, fine! I'll go with you to Candy Mountain," Sam groused, pushing his brother to the floor before getting off the couch.

Dean jumped off the floor before linking arms with Cas and leading the way outside, bouncing down the porch stairs, and practically skipping into the scrap yard. Sam trailed along wondering how his brother had managed to give an angel a sugar high, or if Cas was just playing along. He wasn't sure which option was scarier.

"Lalalaalaaa lalalaa," the two started singing as they wandered down the rows of cars.

"Enough with the singing already!" Sam groused after a couple seconds.

"Our fist stop is over there, Sammy!" Dean pointed, unfazed by his brother's tone. He was pointing to what could be considered some sort of modern art sculpture made out of black tarps, the bodies of a few cars, and assorted parts.

"What is that?"

"It's a Leoplurodon, Sammy!" Dean yelled happily.

"A Magical Leoplurodon!" Cas added enthusiastically.

"It's going to guide our way to Candy Mountain!" Dean explained, practically vibrating.

"Alright, guys, you do know that there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?" Sam said, trying to get them to calm down a bit as it looked like they are about to start bouncing again.

"Shun the Non-Believer!" Dean called, pointing at his brother.

"Shuuuuun!" Cas called in response.

"Ssssshuuuuuunnnn!" Dean called, looking Sam strait in the eye and still pointing at him.

"Yeah," Sam said, deciding it was probably better to just follow them around until they passed out to make sure they didn't hurt themselves in their sugar crazed state.

"Raaaaawr!" One of the cars in the middle of the pile suddenly roared to life. Sam started, but Dean and Cas were ecstatic.

"It has spoken!" Dean yelled, arms raised to the sky.

"He has told us the way!" Cas called as he mirrored Dean's pose.

"It didn't say anything!" Sam grumbled.

Dean and Cas took off again and started to climb on a row of cars. Sam tried to stop them, but ended up having to follow them up as they went further into the yard. The two stopped suddenly allowing Sam to catch up.

"It's just over this bridge, Sammy!" Dean called.

"It's a Magical Bridge of Hope and Wonder!" Sam was starting to get worried about Cas' insisting everything was "magical."

"Guys, we really shouldn't be up here. How many times does Bobby have to tell you not to climb on the cars, Dean?"

"Sammyyy, Saaaaammyyyy, Saaaaammyy, Samm-" Dean called.

"I'm right here! What do you want!"

"We're on a bridge, Sammyyyy!"

Dean and Cas promptly hopped off the car "bridge" and took off again. Sam followed them back to where the Impala was parked, surrounded by piles of candy wrappers. Another piece of paper covered in pink and blue crayon was propped on the windshield reading "Candy Mountain."

"We're here!" Cas gestured expansively. He and Dean looked at Sam, both seeming very pleased with themselves.

"Ok, sure, we're at Candy Mountain," Sam agreed, giving his supposedly "adult" brother and the "angel of the Lord" a look.

"Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain! You fill me with sweet sugary goodness!" Dean said in a singsong voice as he jumped up and down and spun around, arms akimbo. Sam gave him another look, but judging by the glazed look in his eyes, Dean was having far too much sugar-induced fun to care.

"Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave, Sammy!" Cas demanded.

Dean's eyes lit up, "Yeah, Sammy! Go inside the Cave! Magical Wonders are to behold when you enter!"

"Yeah, uhh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here."

"But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave, Sammyyyy!" Cas whined.

Dean and Cas started bouncing in time to the music that started playing from nowhere as the letters spelling "Candy" previously drawn on the "Candy Mountain" sign sprung to life, growing arms, legs, and eyes, in front of Sam. Sam's hand reached for his gun until he realized he'd left it inside. He quickly looked to his brother and Cas who seemed perfectly at ease as they watched the letters come to life before allowing himself to relax marginally. Even his ADHD brother on a sugar high would snap out of it if something was wrong. He must have expected this then. Not that it wasn't completely weird. Same wondered if he was still asleep.

Then the letter Y began to sing as Dean, Cas, and all the letters starting bouncing around the Impala:

"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up,

Then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave.

When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land,

Such a happy and joyful and perky merry land.

They've got lollypops and gummy drops and happy things,

Oh so many things that will brighten up your day.

It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town;

It's the Mecca of love the Candy Cave.

They've got jellybeans, and coconuts with little hats,

Candy wraps, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets.

Ride the Candy Train to town and hear the Candy Band,

Candy bells; it's a treat as they march across the land.

Cheery ribbons stream across the sky into the ground,

Turn around, it astounds, it's the dancing Candy Tree.

In the Candy Cave imagination runs so free,

So now Sammy please will you come into the Cave."

As the song ended Dean and Cas, along with the animated letters he assumed Cas was responsible for, looked at him expectantly before the letters all exploded. A manic, lopsided grin split Dean's face at the explosion. Sam just sighed and grumbled, "Alright, fine! I'll go into the freaking "Candy Cave!" He walked towards the passenger side of the Impala as Dean and Cas cheered behind him.

He got into the car and shut the door, but left all the windows open. Nothing happened for a moment.

"Goodbye, Sammy!" Dean called.

"Yeah, Goodbye, Sammy!" Cas agreed.

"Goodbye? What?" Suddenly all the doors locked and Dean and Cas bolted. "Hey! What's going on here!? Hello?" he yelled after them. The sound of static filled the car, "What's-" before music began blaring out the speakers. Sam's hands came up trying to cover his ears and turn off the sound at the same time.

A safe distance away, hiding behind a car, Dean and Cas were doubled over laughing as they watched Sam struggle. When Sam managed to stop the music and open the door, and started bellowing for them, they took off again, still giggling.

Sam smiled fondly as, hours later, he found them outside, passed out on the hood of the Impala, smiles still adorning their faces. He decided to leave them to sleep until it was time for dinner. There would be time for revenge later.

* * *

AN: I couldn't help it. I just had to. The idea has been swimming around in my head for days. Pure crack. Not set in any particular season.

Please note that I in no way shape or form own Charlie the Unicorn or Supernatural-all rights go to their respective owners.


End file.
